It's time to part now
it felt right that moment
I didn't want to hear your words again
''plaese come back to my arms'' didn't mean a thing anymore
this love can't go on
bye bye bye I said
and then I noticed it was you who had left me

I woke up in the morning
greeted the new day by putting some clothes on
like this day would be the same as the others
even though I tried to forget,
I knew there was something missing
I had woken up alone...

when the phone rang, I secretly wished it would be you who's calling
of course it was vain
I wish you could hear me now

bye bye bye hurt us both
those words compose a song
it keeps echoing in my head

I thought I could live my life to the fullest
still it seems impossible now
even after all we went through
I still like you
I know my feelings won't get returned
I still love you

Guess I have to close my heart,
and learn not to love again
there's no place for me anymore
I will shut my eyes forever
even though I still love you

Letting go seems so wrong to me now
but there's no going back
as my heart keeps screaming
I'm ready to make it disappear for good
I will say bye bye bye

He kept staring at me
those piercing eyes didn't move even cent away from me
no matter how hard I kept hitting on him
no matter how much I yelled and tried to break him up inside
he kept looking, like he wanted to get abused and hurt
I didn't understand it then...
now I do

I remember the day when we first met
it was raining back then
I was weak that time...
I was shivering in the rain
my tears trailing down my cheeks and jaw
through my teary eyes, I could see him standing there smiling, and offering his hand to me
it was the first time in my life when I let my pride down and accepted someones help
I took his hand and his smile grew even bigger

From that day on we were always together
laughing, singing, and just goofing around
I was still unsure about us, I was scared of myself
I was afraid that I would turn back to my ''previous self''
I had even told that to him, I told him that I was sick, that I could be dangerous
but he kept smiling and said ''I'll help you, I'll be there for you''
first time in my life I was thankful

Then, it happened
something changed in me
maybe I was bored of being kind and happy
maybe I just wanted to destroy something again
[no, I didn't want it, but I HAD to]
Once again I felt anger rising in me
it burned my body
it wanted to get out
and there was a really good victim to strike it to
he was so pure,
he was downright asking for pain
it was like my DUTY to destroy what we once had
even though I wasn't sure if I wanted to
[I can't stop this beast in me. Sorry]

I kept hitting on you
I kept slashing you
I kept molesting you
and still you kept saying ''I know that there is still good left in you. I won't give up''
That made me hate you even more
[And I was lying to myself]
''I'll break you..we're not the same anymore..or maybe you are, but I am not. It would be best if you forget me and start to hate me, 'cause I feel that way about you''
I laughed, I saw the disappointed look in your face, you opened your mouth once again and let those words out ''Don't you dare to lie to me, and especially to yourself. You can hate me if you want to, but my feelings won't change, even if you have to kill me...''
I froze for a second, but then I let the beast escape and soon the only thing I saw was blood dripping down your weak body...
But those eyes never left my gaze, even if they were dead, they made my head spin, I felt like getting lost in a maze...

When I finally realized what had happened, it was too late
I was weak again
I cried
I cried beside you, I hold your body close to me
I felt the warmth fading away, mixing to the heavy air
Then I heard that voice. It was ringing in my head.
BEAST..
[You thought you could really win this battle?]


------------------------------------------------------------
I really don't know where this came from XD HAAAH..it sucks anyways but I had nothing to do so I decided to write something...yepyep

You keep my mind in your tight hold
you are always one step ahead
you make me want more
I can't even tell the difference between reality and unreality anymore
I don't really know if this is love
you keep telling me ''baby I love you''
but you won't stand by me
only for that little moment
and then you're gone again

it's good that I'm stupid enough to keep on chasing you
I like the mysteries you left behind
I like the troubles you cause even more
and in some twisted way I like it when you break my heart again & again
yeah, I guess this is love
but for you, it's just a game
a game you don't wanna stop,
a game you will never get tired of
a game which keeps you going
and it's okay for me
it's the game I LOVE

-Baby Checkmate?-


--------
3 letters; LOL
XDDDD hahaha fuck it!! yesterday, I read all my old writings and I noticed that I really CAN'T write anymore :''D I was angsty enough those days to write ''nice''/''tolerable'' texts, but now...fuckkk I really can't XD well this one...umm..I just listened checkmate and wrote this lolololololololololol....yeah..but this is how I feel right now..yunho keeps me wanting more lalala~~

Night,
it's the time when nobody should feel stress,anger or hate
it's the time when nobody should be screaming, running or apologizing
it's the time when nobody should be scared, alone or abandoned
yet all of these happens every night.

The scars we can't see are the tears of those who can't speak.
The voices we can't hear are the screams of those who can't do anything but cry.
The eyes we can see in our dreams, are the eyes of those who we fear the most.
The dreams we want to forget are dreams we're not allowed to forget.

Day,
it's the time when everything should look pretty, shiny and happy
it's the time when everybody should feel important, beautiful and lively
it's the time when light expands and night fades away
but still we keep destroying that happy time with our dirty words and unforgivable actions

This is the world we live in.
Earth-Hell
it makes you think how hard it is NOT to destroy and ruin everything we have
but how easy it is to break and make it as a living hell

How can we believe things that we don't even see?
How can we make excuses for things just with the faith
How can we be so blind, why do we cover our sight with those shadows


We're living in puzzle covered in glass, which reflects our life back to us better than it is.
I guess we're REALLY stupid

I totally RAPED HIM!!! I totally did and I'm so sorry!!
I'm too ashamed to even tell who I was going to draw....T__________T you WON'T recognize him, I'm so sure,
but I had to do this post..it's for my friend who is about to die if she doesn't get to see these pics before Friday :'D
but yeah I'm so so SO sorry
you can leave comments if you want to, I appreciate every one of them
Don't be afraid to use criticism :)
fuck..I'm so embarrassed
(it's my very first time drawing him...it was difficult..those lips!! GOD I almost tore the paper!!! >__________< aish!! well...if I practice more, maybe I can draw something which looks more like him! :))

it seems that I cant do anything right
the hole in my chest reminds me of that everyday
I wish I could have done things differently
someday I'll make it up to you
I pray this pain to wither away
but I guess it's the right punishment for me
I'll wither away with this pain
even though I try to cry, there's no tears
even though I try to speak, there's no voice
even though I try to reach, there's nobody
even though I try to die, there's no end...
H
A
P
P
Y

E
N
D
I
N
G

----------------------------
HAAAAAAAAAAH...fuck! I wanna have some inspiration! XDD LOL! I just wrote this 'cuz I had nothing else to do XDD LOL ....
maybe when summer holiday starts,.. (which will be on May 30th -.-).. I can write more properly
I hope so!! 'cuz I really miss writing ;;___;;

I wonder how people can say that I'm some myvclone O_O 'cuz I'm not :D (well these pics are bit miyavish I admit it but..I still dont look like him ^^'')((he's much MORE HOTTER!!!))

but 'cause people keep telling me so, maybe I'll do some myvcosplay some day,..but only maybe..
donno yet
'cuz I'm afraid that I'll be _FAIL_

yeap...now I have it. A lip-piercing!! WOOHOO!! *boogieboogie* It didn't hurt at all and I really like it :) tell me what do you think =)




in the first pic I look like a girl but in the last one...well..I donno XDD My mouth is funny and..yeah...XDD I'm uglyyyyy

Suddenly blood starts to drip
from the wounds you thought you had forgotten.
It isn't enough yet,
you try to hide it
from those eyes,
desperately.

It keeps dripping,
there seems to be no end,
and there isn't.
You try to hide yourself
but it keeps following.
Will it keep hounding until to the fair end
to the last breath?

Your amazing strength fades away,
you can't find escape,
there isn't any.
You can't even see
is it enough already?
...scary.

There is no light.
The heaven you thought would exist
becomes hell.
Burning your skin slowly,
trying to make you confess,
trying to find the sins,
searching for your heart,
your pure, golden heart.
Last breath takes it all,
it becomes darkness.

Agony takes the control
today is not the day
for love,
for happiness,
for beauty
it's only for pain
pain which keeps hurting until the fair end.
It keeps dripping
and the vicious circle keeps going around.



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------yeah, pretty angst..but the song gave me the inspiration. If you read this, you should listen to that song...somehow.. this text ''sounds'' better if you listen to that song...
I donno...:')

Why did they take you away from us?
who is going to light our world now?
you're place was here,
with your loved ones
you made people's day by smiling
you were taken too early.

I know that nothing is going to bring you back
no matter how badly I want it,
no matter how badly anybody does
there are still many people crying for you
including me

I just wanted to write this,
I feel like I just had to write this
if I ever had the chance to tell you
how I feel,
what I think about,
I'd have told you that you're a real star,
that I appreciate you really much,
(it's too late now, though)

Please, at least, light our way from heaven
as a brightest star ever seen
fly away, fly away, fly away...
fight forever.

I miss you,
but you left good memories.

Thank you.

I need to get some air
it makes me sick
it makes me quiver
your amber colored eyes
your cold, pale skin
-you-
Now just try me
I can't think
you're waiting me to make my move
I close my eyes
I feel my lungs screaming for air
still I won't breathe
it's easier this way
I haven't thought about, how I would die
but I guess,
that this is it
I can feel your cold fingers touching my back
trying to stop me from falling down
you rise me on your strong arms
and kiss my forehead
I'm sorry
it's too late now
it's time to say goodbye

it's time to look for another victim,
a new BETTER butterfly,
which will be with you,
but remember,
none of those butterflies will be ME
I wish I had the strenght to open my eyes and see your eyes filling with tears and anger
I smile.

Please don't make me beg
you're sensitive
those looks from the corner of your eyes
they won't save you
RISE UP!

Please, before the night is over
it burns under my skin
nobody will see it
it is personal
CRAZY!

Are you all right?
Do your eyes burn?
Even though you can't see it
you can feel it
RIGHT?

Under the heat of strange body
you're shivering
now become mine
you can't resist
NO!

Even with our tired bodies
we can't reject it
time to ACCEPT!

our heads spinning in that stunning night
which feels like drug...

''One day we'll be holding hands,
like lovers''
that was you dream
I was so scared
I didn't know what to think
or what to do
should I be happy for you
or sad
the fact you'd be leaving, filled my mind
and I cried
I cried against that cold door
I tried to get in
but nobody opened
nobody didn't care anymore

''One day we will have rings in our ring-fingers,
they'll keep us always together,
our love will keep us together''
That was what you thought

But then, when he didn't keep his promise
he didn't love you anymore
at least that was what he said
you broke
into beautiful pieces
you collapsed
and then again, I was somebody to you
you needed me,
needed a shoulder where cry to
but I wasn't sure,
should I keep my promise
to support you every time
when you have hard time
to comfort you when you cry

where were you, when I needed you?
I'm sorry, I can't smile anymore
Don't tell me to wake up
because I'm dead

Some years ago
I was afraid
I was afraid that I might die
not 'cause some disease
nor of any accident
only I had to do
was talk
talk to someone
to someone special
and I was so scared
but at the same time
I was also happy
so happy I could die

I laugh at myself when I think of that moment again & again
the moment
when I saw you sitting on that bench
your gaze down to the ground
waiting
you lifted your head when you heard me coming
I couldn't sit
I couldn't speak
I couldn't even see properly
because at that moment
my heart stopped

You waited me to say something
you needed to know the reason
why I had asked you to be there
I knew you wanted to know
but I couldn't tell
all I said was sorry
and then I ran away

Now, I still think you're special
but I can never have you
you have someone special already
for you
and just for you

the thing is called
[ｗｅａｋｎｅｓｓ]

I've always wanted to feel
wanted to feel those touches
wanted to feel the rain
wanted to feel the wind
My eroded skin screams for touch
My dead mind yells for help
My eyes need light
and my ears want to hear again

As the dust and pain cover my body
I don't feel relieved
I thought ''death'' is a peaceful thing
but when I try to open my eyes
I notice everything has become a lie

There is no happy ending
there is no heaven
there is only deadly silence
and endless darkness

And only thing you know is,
that there is no way back
That's sure.

There is no need to appeal to my feelings,
'cause I have none
There is no need to beg
'cause I feel no mercy
There is no need to cry
'cause it won't hurt...MUCH
There is no need to be scared
'cause I'll be gentle

When the sharp blade cuts the flesh
it makes beautiful voice
I've learned to like it
almost to love it.
When I hear those little sobs,
it's like heaven to my ears

I'm cold-blooded
You asked for this,you little son of bitches
You deserved THIS
it's your own fault
I'm here only to make you pay for your crimes
to make you suffer
to make you scream
to make you scream so hard...
[Scream your lugns out]

Ｆｅｅｌｓ　ｇｏｏｄ，　ｒｉｇｈｔ?

I'm here to bring justice
I'm not going to stop, until my voice dies out
until I take the last breath
until I'm satisfied.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ook...kind of gross...but I had an inspiration so...
really,...now I'm a bit scared of myself..
but I just love dexter and I had to write something dark...
is there a reason to get worried, pals? :-----))
I think..NO

-why so serious-

As I enter to a empty room
it's dark
but I can still feel you
I can still feel your love

How your bare legs covered the floor,
how you walked back and forth in this room
finding no friend
but me.

I was there
still you didn't smile.
I tried my best,
but in vain,
I thought...

Time went on,
and I was waiting for you to smile
''that will never happen'', I was sure...
anyway, your face didn't look sad
it was like there was no feelings on it
inside you...

I almost gave up,
I had had enough
I was going to tell you that
I really was

But that day changed everything
I can still remember it clearly
You were sitting on the floor
with a flower in your hand
I sat beside you and then you spoke,
you said:
''Could you please get me more of these'' and you showed the flower
it was a rose
''I can't get it myself...and you know why..I don't know HOW...''
I nodded.
''I'll be back in a minute'' I said and walked to the room's door and turned again to face you
and there it was
a sweet smile on your face
the smile I had been longing for
there it was
and it couldn't have been more beautiful
''Just wait here, I'll be back!''

When I got back, you were looking outside from the window
you didn't hear me
I stepped behind you and tapped your shoulder
you got scared and almost screamed,
but when you saw me and the rose, you cried
''Why are you crying?'' I asked with a worried tone
''Because you make me to''
''Should I...should I go away?''
''No, that would make me cry even more, I'm crying 'cause I'm so happy and thankful to you''
and there it was again
that smile
I could die because of that...
Soon you landed a kiss on my cheek,
[the kiss I will never forget]
and took the rose and said
'' I wasn't sure if I could ever smile again, but you made it possible, I'm so thankful''
and you started to dance
and I decided, I will never leave you.

But you left me
but I'm not sad anymore
I knew you were sick
and someday you would leave me,
even if you did not want to
but you HAD to

Now, I look out from the same window you were looking at that time
I see trees
I see little river
and I see those roses
those wild roses in the yard
white wild roses
I started to cry
I can't help it

Why do I still miss you so much, my dear Rose?

when snow covers this world
everything is so pure
everything is so beautiful
seems like the whole world is like a white room

still,
little things can ruin everything
few drops of blood
and that beautiful sight will be ruined

this world is nothing but a lie
it will not forget
it will always remember
those awful things
those things
that words can't even describe

It is like somebody is making the world bow
in front of his legs
in front of his highness
lashing the innocent back
scratching it violently
and waiting

...waiting...

it will never forget.

There will be no future
for that person
for the world
for us...

There won't be any rebirth.

[Lands will cover with blood, rivers turn into blood, sky cries blood, stars are hiding in the feeling of shame, and still we keep asking: why did this happen, god?]

Am I still alive?
No
I'm already DEAD god.

I think this was the ''thing'' I had to see
[experience]
the thing
which brings me close to death
but not close enough

and I'm glad

I can keep walking this road
and now I know,
it is NOT lonely

I have so many people by my side
[I cry...but not 'cause I'm sad, 'cause I'm happy]

I feel like I'm finally ''someone''
I'm being loved
somebody loves me
and I'll love them back
with all my heart
all my strenght I have left!

[I won't give up!]


This is what I've been looking for
happiness
love
care

now I know
...
I don't have to be alone

Thank you for being with me


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oikeesti voin vaa sanoo et kiitos mun kaikille ystäville ja mun perheelle
kaikki sai tänää vaa nii uude merkitykse <3
oon onnellinen!
voin jatkaa eteenpäin oppimalla virheistä
ja niin aion tehä!
ja aion pitää ystävät ja perheen lähel!
rakastan teitä,oikeesti
äiti
isä
<3
kaikkia<3

juuh
meitsil on hiuka tylsääää
kukaa ei ees kommaa mulle gales *viil*
no ei sentäää X')
mut oon miettiny et ois kiva hankkii joku oma blogi *harkitsee*
hmm..
ku vuodatan kaike galtsuu suurinpiirtein..tai sit tänne
mut mua ottaa tää LJkin niin paljo päähä ku en osaa käyttää tätä ja mun layout kusee...
siis ihan perus
VTU OON EVO!
mut kuitenki niin...
blogi ois kiva...: 3
mut tiän et nytte ku mul ei oo sitä niin kauheeesti asiaa ois mut sit ku hankkisin sen niin ei ois ees..ja ketää ei varmaa kiinnostais :'DD
mut..niin..tavallaanhan se ois vaa niinku yleinen päiväkirja...jota muut saa lukee jos vaa jaksaa

mä nauran itelleni ku mun päivistä stalkkaa ihan pirun moni,ja tiän et NE vasta nauraaki mulle :-----D
mulla on siel niin turhaa juttua että ei lol....XD
kauheeta angstia yms...
tätä ny ei tuu lukee ku mun LJ kaverit,jos nekää :---------------)
mut joo...
haluan tänne uuden layoutin! mutku en osaa :______________:
*häpeä*
ja haluan shoppailee! jotai tosi kivoi vaatteita ois kiva saada *o*
ja uus kamera -.-'
onneks hesaa torstaina <3
haluan tutustua uusiin ihmisiin 8)
mut kaikki menee mua karkuu ku oon tän näkönen!
ok..turha juttu XD
AND!
HALUAN KEIKALLE!!!
harkitten dioo ~~
ois kivaa *o*

jooh eipä muuta...
leiki vähä photofunialla ja näin kävi:
turhaaa.